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*crickets* [Jun. 1st, 2009|05:34 pm]
I don't update this anymore.

If you want to keep up with me:
twitter.com/CRlTTER & critormiss.tumblr.com

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The Academy Is... - Fast Times at Barrington High review [Aug. 15th, 2008|11:34 am]
I certainly didn't see this coming, but at least now their intentions are clear. How's this for a career path? They debuted with a pop-rock gem (Almost Here) that should have vaulted them to the top of the charts. They followed that with a mature turn (Santi) where the Butch Walker influence both helped and hurt them. Now here they are just a year removed from that with Fast Times at Barrington High, what seems to be their desperate attempt to latch onto the hottest trend that they've seen tourmates and labelmates and friends blow up with.

This sound has been done to death and has become so watered down. It has become increasingly hard for a band in this vein to be any different, but it is still possible. However, not a single thing about this album stands out from anything else you can hear on any given power-pop myspace. We know they are better musicians than what they show here. We know William is both a better singer and lyricist than what we hear and read. It's frustrating to see a band with such potential limit themselves to this.

While all five members of the band are young men, they are not in high school anymore. Everything from the album title to the subject matter of the songs is just that: high school gossip, high school relationships, high school drama. Considering the mature themes of the last album, this is just another huge step backwards. Releasing an album of this sort as their debut and progressing from there would make sense, because this is an absolute regression across the board.

Did they release this too soon? Only 16 months have passed since the release of Santi. Has the loss of Tom Conrad truly been detrimental? The best guitar work the band has seen is still found on Almost Here, without question. Did they get fed up with seeing their peers achieve the sales numbers and fame they desire and decide to make their splash into the ever-so-boring crowd? The questions will linger but the fact remains, they sold themselves short. The choice of producer here would seem to support that. Enlisting Sam Hollander and Sluggo would seem to be another sign of the direction the band aims to take. The duo, having recently worked with the likes of Boys Like Girls, We The Kings, Metro Station and All Time Low, are the current hot producer in this ever so bland genre. Hollander even co-wrote seven of the tracks, including the single, "Summer Hair = Forever Young."

Despite all of this, the album isn't necessarily bad. It is very listenable (but isn't that the point in this genre?) and could make for a decent summer driving-around-with-the-windows-down album. The fact that it leaves so much to be desired really does hurt it, though. Summer is almost over and autumn will soon be here. The temperatures will fall, the leaves will change colors, and these songs will be forgotten.

Score: 3/10
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(no subject) [Mar. 20th, 2008|04:32 pm]
And that's the fire in the sun. And that's the fire in the sky. We are so far away from home. We are so far away from home. You know it's really hard to do. To think of anyone but you. And how your soul lives in my own. The trees are growing roots that will hold your heart inside your chest where you lay. Fear no more my son. Because someday the trees will sing. And I know that someday will come. Where the trees are growing roots among the place we used to sit and breathe the air. Someday. Someday the trees will sing. "Oh my God! My heart is with you now! And my body's growing roots that will hold your feelings down. And I will sing a song for you. Where a thousand pandas dance under the warmth and ocean blue." You are something (something to hold onto). A fault in the crust where I fell through. You live and you learn. But you still love. Nothing will change what I'm made of. We'll run away. "But did you think you'd grow beyond me?" The clouds exclaimed. Just run away. And we will fall back into the ocean. The mountain tops are hard to see. They tell how far you really are from me. The clouds are thick but they can't hide you. They can't hide you from me. Some things are here to kill me. But can you feel it now? We're burning up amongst your flames. Amongst your love. Our life. (I am in the earth it's where you'll find me. You. You're in the sky. It's where you'll find me). You. You're like the sun. And I am earth together we're one. But someday your fire will die. And I'll grow cold without sunlight. And I will freeze baby. I will die. I would freeze. And I'd die for you. One thing I know you didn't know. Was how to fall head first hand in hand into the ocean blue. We count down. Take a breath. And jump. We're falling. You scream. "Baby, we're simply growing." I think "Baby. I wouldn't mind to die like this." I may not say everything that's on my mind. I am in the earth. It's where you'll find me. You're in the sky. "Don't fret baby, we're simply growing. And my darling, I wouldn't mind to die like this. Don't fret baby, we're simply growing. Don't fret Babe, the sun is coming." Take your hands away from your face so I can see. Everything you are and everything you used to be. You used to be, to me, something you don't want to be. I know you. You're like the sun, and I am earth, together we're one. And someday. Your fire will die, and I'll grow cold without sunlight. And I will freeze, baby. I will die I'll freeze I'll die for you. Because things, they always die. Just give it time. They always die. And we, someday we'll see our love will shine. Our love will shine. Your love won't fade darling. Lover I cannot do this alone. Things like these are better off untold. Someday the sun will die and I'll grow cold. I hope someday your love finds its way home. Oh God, what the fuck is going on with me and everyone. It's you and me. Someday we'll see the end. Because you're in the sky and I'm in the earth. But this time it's different. I swear to God. The sun's exploding within my arms. And it's getting warmer and I can see. That the sun is truly in love with me. Because you and I. Were blown away by love and hope for better days. You and I were blown away. God you took a lot from me. I don't ask for much. Just a sense of security. And all I ever wanted, was a minute of your time. Someday the trees will sing, a song of hope to bring a lovely winter morning where you and I are growing into an apple tree where the sun will kiss our face. And we'll grow. Just fall away. Just let it go. For you. I'd run away. Because you are something to hold onto, a fault in the crust I fell through. You live and you learn you love nothing will change what I'm made. And hopefully God will find a reason for our love to bleed and fertilize the earth we walk from fragile seeds. Someday the trees will sing: Hallelujah. And we will bury our souls in the ground. Hallelujah. And I am in the earth. And you're in the sky: Hallelujah. And nothing will change what you are: Hallelujah. And someday the trees will sing.
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(no subject) [Jun. 23rd, 2007|04:12 pm]

the sirens are silent
but the beacons keep blinking
and the christmas lights are falling off the houses in the july heatwave
so wave goodbye and kiss the kids one last time
if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen
but i'm still perfecting this recipe
of (3 tbs.) heartbreak and (5 tsp.) disaster and (4 whole) tired old cliches
(take one and call me in the morning if you ever wake up)
there's just one last ingredient i need to finish this
call me a doctor and i'll make sure he gets his
but only after i get mine
reading in between the li(n)es
i just find lies and expiration dates
(take a number get in line and you might wake up)
the sirens have been silenced
but i'll be up all night
listen(ing) to the distance
search(ing) for a constant
just shut your mouth
don't make a sound
listen to the distance
search for a constant
it might come around
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(no subject) [Apr. 21st, 2007|11:09 pm]
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(no subject) [Mar. 29th, 2007|08:48 pm]

curiosity killed the cat and it broke my heart
but hey hey hey hey we're moving on
onward upward left right left right day after day
i'll stretch shake rattle rock roll and scream
with the aftertaste of what i came
i will rest repeat only your name
as i hear the safe and sound of the city calling it out
one two three and fall asleep

this lack of income has the outcome of outstretched hands
i'll bite right through my lip and pray that you show up at my door with outstretched arms
exit nine is never too far away and neither am i or tomorrows day

i cut and dissect every word of it with the precision of a spinal surgeon
(paging doctor shepherd!)
but i'm still always patching up this gaping wound with simple stitches
the sun rises to my left as i drive south
and it rises to my left as i drive north
i just need to keep it on that side of the sky
that way we can always have the night dead to (the) rights
and i found this room for you
a room for two
a room with a view of the rest of our lives
just over that horizon

i'll believe what i want
i can leave if i want but i won't
i'll never stop believing
and i will never be leaving
i wrote it in the sand wrote it in the sky and wrote it down here
but it'll wash away or dissipate or crumble to dust
so i got it tattooed and i wrote it in stone to stand the test of time
a permanent way to say
i can feel you in my bones.
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(no subject) [Mar. 3rd, 2007|11:11 pm]
sometimes i really think i am an old man trapped in the body of a 21 year old. i'm always tired, i'm always cold, i hate driving at night, most of the time i'd rather stay home than go out, i think kids are ridiculous, and as soon as i get home i put on my pajamas. oh life!

but i guess i'm really not an old man because i don't go to bed at 5pm after watching judge judy, i don't need to wear diapers, and my penis still works just fine.
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quote of the year. [Jul. 5th, 2006|08:44 pm]
"I always thought girls peed out of their assholes." ~ Craig Penniman
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and now for some AWESOME music. [Jun. 5th, 2006|04:18 pm]
comment with your opinion.
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I wrote a story about my brother. [May. 25th, 2006|02:18 pm]

I spelled my name wrong!

I was in second grade. It was 1993. I was an amazing artist.Collapse )
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i told you i'd get them. [Jan. 25th, 2006|02:27 am]
[rawr! |wow.]
[rock! |the brand new demos.]

i can barely move. i can barely see where we're going now. the road is washed out from the river that flooded just north of town. we'll stick to the plan we laid out, but we know the saying "the best plans of both mice and men can go terribly wrong" and probably will so please, nobody speak, nobody get any smart ideas and if we don't have any heroics we may just get you out of here and home to your families by dinner time safely and soundly, sleeping. cos we dont want trouble, we'll take what we came for and we'll leave quietly or maybe we will tie you up take what you love and burn it down. nobody moves and no one gets hurt. nobody opens their mouths and we'll have nothing to worry about. we'll keep you alive cos we always need bartering chips (for the lives we will trade you will make your getaway) and we'll keep you alive cos you're pretty and we need something to look at while we tie you up take what you love and burn it down. you swear to build, we swear to come and burn it down.
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fght ff yr dmns. wrt sngs n yr slp. sng n yr slp. [Jan. 14th, 2006|04:42 am]
well i wrote your name and burned it to see the color of the flame, and it burned out the whole spectrum as if you were everything. mine just burned gold, a normal flame. i am not anything. and all that i remember is the feeling of waking up when we were kids. you were the sun to which my eyes would not adjust. we were kids, i was a fountain and you could never drink enough. then came all the boys who swept you away, you were careless with your heart and every night there was a new girl sitting beside me in my car. something dies when you grow older, but you do the best you can.
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we've hit autumn. [Oct. 1st, 2005|03:07 pm]
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...overcome anything. [Sep. 27th, 2005|03:22 am]

"2, please." $2.50. Sit down. 7 stops to go. iPod on. We start moving. The man across from me stares at me blankly. I wonder if there's something in my hair or on my face. Or maybe he's just wondering what I'm listening to. I look down to the ground. I tell myself to keep my eyes there. 6 stops. The woman next to me is talking very loudly and excitedly to the man on the other side of her. She is big and I can't see her face. I turn my iPod off to listen to her. She's right. Nick said it best: this hurricane is blowing us thin. 5 stops. A cute boy walks by. I watch the young girl next to me watch his movements. Slow and deliberate. He has nice hair. 4 stops. I wonder what you're going to be wearing, what we're going to do tonight...3 stops...who else is going to be there, how much sleep we're going to get, what I'll be eating for dinner. The man across from me glances at me before he gets up. I could have sworn he was about to speak, but instead he turned his head and walked out. 2 stops. A little old woman sits in the sit the man just vacated. I turn my iPod back on, but I don't know what to listen to. I'm feeling nervous just like I always am when I'm on my way to you, so I choose the most comforting voice I've ever known. 1 more stop. I look up and the old woman smiles warmly and I return the smile. Seeing her makes me wonder just how many days and weeks and years she's been through in her life. How much she's learned and how everything she's seen has turned her into the person she is now, just a woman sitting on a train in a seat across from a boy who is growing up every day no matter how young his heart tells him he is. Time. She's had her time. This time is mine. This time is ours. I spill out of the train and onto the busy city streets with everyone else, and the knot in my stomach tightens as I get closer to your room. We've got time and we've got each other.

Four days feels more like four months sometimes.
It's getting harder and harder to keep my secrets to myself.
I feel good.
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(no subject) [Sep. 8th, 2005|03:00 am]
it's time.
the story.

it's a collection of writings from 2002-2005
that, when put in this order, (almost) tell a story.
some of it is fiction. some of it is real.
they might end up coming out of your stereo sometime soon. maybe.

i hope you like it.
but i don't care.
i'm pretty proud of it.
tell everyone you know to read it.
tell me what you think of it.
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muse(ic) [Sep. 5th, 2005|12:03 am]

Love and hate both take the same amount of energy. I heard that somewhere. I wonder if whoever said that was as full of love and hate as I am. I forgot how to use words. Everything I had was just hugs. Handshakes. Mostly hugs. Not anymore. Sometimes you get this rush that lasts all night. Three days later it's still there. Pulsing. Is there such a thing as a weeklonglovehangover? If this was a drink I'd swear off every other liquid for good. You'll fill up on the ones I've already sworn off and I still won't be able to sit still knowing this. My mind and body are free of the clouds. I'm ready. I don't know what for, but I am. It's coming. I am the future. I'm a sassy motherfucker. I dream big and act even bigger. I want to sing my lungs out in every room in this country. Even if I'm the only one in the room. I'm fine with that. No, that's a lie. I want that room filled past capacity. I want you to hear this. To hear the words that have so recently filled my notebook. The old blue one with the picture of Kris Roe on it. The one that has the suicidial writings from 2001. They're still there. I'll always keep them. Look how far I've come. Where will I be four years from now? I'm done writing about that girl with the commitment problem and I'm done writing about the girl with the god complex. I'm just writing. I'm just writing because there are words in my head and they can't stay there any longer. I need to let them out so I can take turn the NO off on the vacancy sign out front. New words welcome. Cash, credit or check (this out.) Muse(ic.) It's what you are. It's what I need. These words are dancers, but they go nowhere without the dance floor and the beat. Maybe I've found my dance floor. The (search for the) beat goes on. I'm living less in what JTL and WEB wrote and more in what I'm breathing in and what's on the page in front of me. I cannot breathe through my nose, but I've been taking lots of deep breaths this week. Romance may have taken a shot to both the chest and the head, but I'm glad to report that I got there just in time, and now he's recovering on a bed in my basement. I'll keep him alive, I swear, even if I'm the only one. I live at the same speed all the time, and it's the fastest setting life comes with. Even if I knew how to slow it down, I wouldn't. I'm keeping on and keeping up and keeping ahead. There's only one thing in my life that I'm not content with and I told her about it today. Next year maybe. I am armed with love and life. Love. Life. Love. Life. A lovelife? I'm sleeping less, and sometimes not at all. If it's not keeping you up nights...

The (search for the) beat goes on.

I am the future.
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Phone Post: [Aug. 16th, 2005|07:15 pm]
226K 2:22
“A bunch of wicked sexy kids including TonyJ singing <b>"sugar we're going down"</b> with a brief cameo of the next hardcore sensation, "neon crustacean fibers"”

Transcribed by: tonyceratops

(you hung up without pressing #. posting privately in case it was an accident.)
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Introducing...Ender Van Obara! [Aug. 11th, 2005|12:28 am]
[rawr! |meow]
[rock! |Plans]

crit is pretty sweet

crit is pretty sweet

crit is pretty sweet
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"the one and only Crit!" [Jul. 22nd, 2005|01:42 am]
[rock! |I am the Avalanche - Dead and Gone]

- I finally met Krissy.
- The Cashmans have a nice style.
- Late late late = no date date date.
- "The Butcher had to get a mod for his kit *10 second pause* whatever that is. So yeah."
- Bill Beckett is probably the sweetest guy in the whole world.
- "When The Beatles first came out, everyone just liked them because they were hot. But then they went on to write some of the greatest records in history. I think that's how it's going to be with us."
- I believe him.
- "If he's with Crit, he's alright with me."
- blah blah blah blah blah.
- The Plain White T's should make like Midtown and "give it up."
- Julia and I are going to be ice skaters. Neither of us can skate.
- TonyJ is the fucking man.
- Who cries during "Almost Here?" Honestly. Okay fine...one person. No need to name names or poke fun.

I loved tonight, I love them and I love my friends...but I still hate you.
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The Academy Is... way cooler than your favorite band. [Jul. 17th, 2005|04:17 am]
[rawr! |using the academy icon]
[rock! |the author is stuck in my head.]

Tonight was amazing. Goddamn, I missed those boys.

good times, good quotes & post script.Collapse )
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A day in Boston. [Apr. 25th, 2005|03:41 am]

Tony, Mike & Nate / going to Urban Outfitters (and thinking 'They should throw me out of here just because I could never ever afford ANYTHING in here') / watching an employee from the Virgin Megastore chase (and fail to apprehend) a shoplifter / TGIFridays (where the lights only go on when you break them) with Kirsten (not Kristen!) / Kirsten didn't want a hug / spending $15 to enter the The Museum of Fine Arts and only being there for about 20 minutes (that's almost a dollar per minute!) / "This place has too much art and not enough making out!" / "If you stare at that painting long enough, you see a bunny." / Crit: "My mom said you shouldn't stand too close to the train tracks." Kirsten: "Your mom's a whore!" Tony: "Yeah, I know. I made out with her. For real." / going to a different Urban Outfitters and just sitting on the couch playing video games while the lady shopped / ice cream / Hootenanny (not such a great store, but what a great name!) / watching Pete Wentz walk by instead of trying to get him to kiss me again / going to pick up my photo pass and finding out I wasn't on the list (FUCK YOU, FBR!) but getting one anyway because I'm good like that / Chad Powell / missing most of Gym Class Heroes / The Academy didn't sound as good as they usually do / the crowd was ridiculous / William noticed me and told me he loves me (right in the middle of "Season") / the same old setlist again (of course) but at least they changed the intros to the songs / "I just saw The Butcher's penis...and you can too." / Jocelyn St. Denis / Cassie D / Matt Finneron & Tim Hopper / Tony almost getting kicked out / E-Cash & Emily / Chad Powell (he gets mentioned twice because he's just that cool) / Silverstein is what Hawthorne Heights would sound like if they had just a little bit of talent / JESSICA STEIN / finally meeting Ally (with a y) / Supercool / Fall Out Boy is just plain fun / McDonald's / high fives / the drunk(?) kid in the ARMOR sweatshirt (I told him that normally I'd fight him, but since he had armor on, it wouldn't be fair) / hanging out at Boston University / "I didn't know there were four boys in your room! ... "Well, do you like group sex?" / DaveGreatSuper / wanting to dance and searching for a dancing partner / Kirsten finally decided that she wanted a hug / unexpected IMs.

crit totally rules

the writers weren't kidding.Collapse )
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my life is complete. [Apr. 10th, 2005|09:57 pm]
crit totally rules
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and the awkward quote of the year award goes to: [Mar. 23rd, 2005|07:53 pm]
[rock! |The Smiths - There is a Light That Never Goes Out]

Brian "Head" Welch, former Korn guitarist.
"the Jesus tattoo on my hand keeps me from masturbating."
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(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2005|05:16 pm]
i just took a pregnancy test.

two lines means pregnant.
one means not pregnant.

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(no subject) [Feb. 7th, 2005|06:48 pm]
"hey, did you get some?"
man, that is so dumb.
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(no subject) [Nov. 25th, 2004|01:37 am]
the needle on my record player has been wearing thin.
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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2004|02:38 pm]
[rock! |blink-182 - cacophony]

i went to the (sold out!) show without even having a ticket.
but i got in. and did some singing. and got kicked offstage.
what a night.

if i die in my sleep are you still willing to be everything you promised you would be?Collapse )

^ that's me on the left, and bill on the right. unfortunately, that's the best picture kelly got of me on stage.
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warped tour 2004. [Aug. 20th, 2004|01:17 am]
[rawr! |lots and lots of pain]
[rock! |the front runner - mirror days]

it's a good thing i saw lots and lots of awesome people, or it would have been a total bust.

it's like myspace...but better.Collapse )
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eww like totally gross i got my brother!!! [Aug. 17th, 2004|06:30 am]
[rock! |mc lars - igeneration]

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:179,241,687,543,165,131,745,135,670.00001
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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it's true, they're really that bad! [Aug. 12th, 2004|06:40 pm]
[rock! |NOT maroon 5, that's for sure]

evan murphy on maroon 5:
"yeah, they're kinda like if someone licked my nuts and then made out with you."
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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2004|06:42 am]
[rawr! |not sleeping tonight]
[rock! |copeland - another day in paradise]

i saw head automatica tonight in providence at the call. which is a pretty cool place. drove down with justin & courtney. and met up with: jess!!, julia, matt, melissa, brittany, lia, becca, irene, steve(?) & keegan. and i saw marissa there! aaaand i had the pleasure of meeting the wonderful allie! while waiting for the first band...one of the funniest things EVER happened.Collapse )

dance party plus destruction.Collapse )
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New York, New York. [Jul. 19th, 2004|05:54 pm]
[rock! |hot rod circuit - cheap trick]

the full story + 142 pictures.
new york, new york.Collapse )
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(no subject) [Jun. 5th, 2004|10:39 pm]
[rock! |the blood brothers]

I used to be cute. ;)

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all words written by critobara (except "prologue" written by dave eggers) [Apr. 8th, 1985|01:42 pm]

first of all:
i am tired.
i am true of heart!

and also:
you are tired.
you are true of heart!

chapter i: 4am
we talk every night.
the sentences are long
the punctuation is rare
and the laugther is constant
but the words are nothing more than dancers
with no ground beneath their feet.
i say this every night in so many words: be the dance floor.

the (search for the) beat goes on.

i am the future.

you're my newest friend.
you're my most trusted friend.
let's talk about the past
and make plans for the future
but live today like it was our last.

i feel the beat.
get on the floor.

we are the future.

chapter ii: a secret
how long until this gets out?
this will get out.
are we alone? are we together?

i'm dying to see the look on your face
and the look on hers too
when she hears the news.

how long until this gets out?
how long until i get there?
we're not alone. we're not together.

note to self:
remember to breathe.

chapter iii: found out
word travels fast.
you thought you knew
well who are you
and just where did you hear that?
the public eye never blinks
and it watched me catch my breath this time.
i know you know.
you know i only hide when i have to.
her room is where you'll find me.
the door is open.

chapter iv: revolution
i hear the revolution
every time she opens her mouth.
i feel the revolution
every time our lips touch.

a whisper in the wind.
a kiss in the dark.

something is tapping at my window.

the revolution is on her tongue.
the revolution is coming.

chapter v: lgfuad
"we'll lie about
our whereabouts
and be home just before sunrise."
that's all it took.
walk in. scan the room. fair enough.

i remember telling you that you were the prettiest girl in the room.
you laughed at me and laughed at me
as if i'd told a joke.
maybe i had.

i remember entering the room upstairs with you.
you laughed at me and laughed at me
as if i'd told a joke.
maybe i had.

i do not remember what i said to him
but i will never forget tasting blood and hitting the floor.
as if i'd told a joke.
maybe i had.

chapter vi: the icu
the promise ring i mailed to you
hidden in that lousy note
filled with prose. overdose.
memories are all you have when you're lying in a bed
in a place where people come and go for good.
i was asleep but i heard you whisper "goodbye."
i wasn't gone. i'm not gone. i'll never be gone.
i'll check out on my own terms or not at all.
you're my oldest friend.
you're my most trusted friend.
i'm sorry. i never meant it. let's go home.

chapter vii: 1+1=1
train take me
away from you.
passing by
red and yellow
green and white
they spell out your name
if i try hard enough.
shining at me.
pining for you.

lonely leaf flutters across this empty road.
one lonely letter.
this winter better be.

it meant so much two years ago.
now it's as good as ash.
this feeling is not a new one
and yet i'm still readjusting.
collecting thoughts, blood and stones.
the 'me' in the story is now 'you'
and yet the 'me' is still intact.
in fact, it's better than ever.
having 'me' and 'you' as one.

chapter viii: voice box collapse
i don't care. we can break the laws. become lawless.
i don't care as long as you're here.
we can run through the streets and scream.
wake the sleeping children.
hoot along with all the owls.
sing along with the incoming tide.
ocean crashing waves that hit the sand.
all it really is is dirt.
you are here and so am i.
you show me who i am inside.
i can't ignore this feeling anymore.

i don't care. we can make a life here. become secluded.
i don't care as long as you're here.
rock and roll all night.
sleep away the day.
rest our inner demons.
i'll play for you bleeding fingers.
i'll sing for you til voice box collapse.
your face shows you like my song.
i hope you like this song.
you are here and so am i.
you show me who i am inside.
i won't ignore this feeling anymore.

chapter ix: distance pt. 1 (dream big)
one word at a time
one letter at a time.
it depends on the machine.

i could make all the right strokes
with no hint of emotion.

i could speak into one end, listen to the other
and know that each word is bouncing off a satellite.
the words lose intonation on the way up
and sincerity on the way down.
that satellite feels closer than you.

i give.
i'll write it in a letter.

chapter x: distance pt. 2 (act bigger)
i wrote another letter today.
it was addressed to you
but of course i didn't send it.
that's three in three days.
plus that one last week.
year to date: 37 letters written,
not a single one stamped and sent.

chapter xi: sick
a drunken night: a tally mark.
your wall is full.
no one ever said moving out meant moving on.
i got your message.
"be ready for me and my bottle."
i'm not. you're not. they're not.
you've convinced yourself.
i'm calling in sick.

you're just running away from your face.
so run away.
you're just making another mistake.
make it fast.
the hate in our words is a sign of the times.
i dare you to make this last.

i'm calling in sick of you.

chapter xii: complex
so i'm just a page in the book
but i'm giving you this whole chapter
and i'm dying to come up with a hook
just so he can sit at home
and get real high
and call you up
and sing this to you
every time the radio plays it.

i never said i was better than vengeance.
i never said "i'm better than you."
but you did.

i wanted to ask "who the fuck do you think you are?"
but i knew you didn't know the answer.
your ego's a burden i just won't bear.
three months from now you won't even care.
not you. not god. not anyone.

you're a bad, bad influence
and everyone's under you
but baby, i'm over you.

three months from now you won't even care.
not you. not god. not anyone.

chapter xiii: sleep at last
the next time i break into your house i hope you're not there.
i'll sleep in your bed
and not just because you never let me.
i just want to be like you
and feel nothing at all.

is this breaking you?
this is not breaking news.

this ends tonight.
if only i could see your face
when you find me
and my still heart.

the fountain of youth
or maybe it was wealth.
it's always one or another or another.
the hate in your words is a sign of the times.
frame by frame of reference.

i cannot feel a single thing.
this is what it's like.
dead and dreaming.

the (search for the) beat stopped.

i cannot feel a single thing.
this is what it's like.

i just wanted to be like you
and feel nothing at all.
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